


After We're Dead

by Aragarna



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-25 14:23:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragarna/pseuds/Aragarna
Summary: Set post-finale. After he dies, John lands in Heaven and is reunited with all the persons he had been missing all this time - and most of all, the love of his life, Jessica.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank from the bottom of my heart, SpicyCheese for the beautiful and adorable cover art <3, Desiree for the super cool podfic, as well as Bliphany for all the early brainstorming, so precious for the birth of this fic, and last but not least, Talkingtothesky for the beta. Thank you all!

 

_“If you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop the story”_

_\- Orson Welles_

 

 

[Podfic version by DesireeArmfeldt](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/PersonOfInterest_BigBang/works/16634927)

 

 

The gun slipped from John’s hand. He could feel his life slipping away with each new bullet piercing through his failing body. This was it. It was the end. And this was pretty much how he had envisioned it, though it was still painful as Hell. The rapid firing of his opponents’ automatic weapons was ruining a bit a moment that he wished would have been more solemn. When a growing thunder started roaring above their heads, John didn’t need to look up to identify what it was. The missile was coming. Trying to remove himself from all the racket around him, John focused his last thoughts toward his friends and instinctively braced himself for the impact.

Everything went suddenly quiet. Opening his eyes, John found himself standing in what he could only describe as an ocean of whiteness. Everything around him was white and there was no way to tell exactly where the ground was ending and where the sky was starting – or was it a ceiling? The only exception to this infinite whiteness was a giant wooden door guarded by an old bearded man with a ball cap and half-moon glasses. He was sitting at a table, with a simple laptop in front of him.

The absolute peacefulness of the place and its soothing silence were a striking contrast with the chaos of the rooftop where John had been just a minute ago. He inhaled carefully. He was breathing normally again. He patted his own body. His suit was clean, his white shirt spotless. All wounds and pains were suddenly gone.

“Welcome!” said the old man cheerfully, greeting John with a pleasant smile. “Congratulations, you’ve made it.”

Slightly dumbfounded, John looked up at the man. “Made it where?”

“Heaven, of course!” said the man.

John rolled his eyes. “And you are?”

“The Gamekeeper. Most people here call me Pete. Please, take a seat, so that I can check you in,” the old man said, gesturing to a chair. “Please state your name.”

This immediately set off John’s radar. Instinctively he took a step back and reached for the gun at his back, but there was none. On high alert, he gave the man a look over. “This is a simulation, isn’t it?”

Shaw had mentioned how Samaritan had tortured her for months with simulations. He certainly hoped he hadn’t fallen into the evil AI’s hands. He wasn’t sure he’d be as strong as Shaw to survive such a psychological ordeal.

The Gamekeeper shot him an incredulous look. “A simulation of the Afterlife? Wouldn’t that ruin the surprise a little? Come on, I don’t have all day – well, technically I do have all day, this is Eternity after all,” he said with a chuckle. “Still, your name, please?”

John stared at the man for a moment, processing the situation. It didn’t feel like a simulation. He remembered the physical pains of being pierced through by a hail of bullets shot by Samaritan operatives. He remembered feeling his life slipping away. He remembered dying, the pain of the unexpected sadness he felt, knowing he was leaving the world, leaving his friends behind. His heart sank.

“I’m dead, am I?” he asked in a low voice, still surprised by how sad he was feeling about it.

The old man looked at him sympathetically and nodded. “I’m afraid so.”

John swallowed the lump in his throat. “This is Hell, then?” he asked tentatively. He was certainly not looking forward to an eternity of punishment.

The old man grinned. “No no, young man, what a silly idea. This is Heaven, you’ve made it to the good place!”

John slowly shook his head. “I very much doubt that.”

Trying not to lose his patience, the gamekeeper gestured once again to the chair in front of his desk. “Name?” he asked again.

John sighed and sat down. “John Reese.”

The old man typed on his keyboard and looked at his computer’s screen, frowning. “We don’t have a John Reese here.”

“That’s because I don’t belong here,” John said, resigned.

“Is John Reese your birth name?”

John raised an eyebrow. Of course they wouldn’t have him under Reese. “John Tallis,” he said. He had become so used to being Reese that his real self felt suddenly foreign.

The Gamekeeper started typing again. “Aha!” he said triumphantly, “There you are!”

Reading on his screen, he suddenly sobered up. “Hmm, right… Now I see why you didn’t think you belonged here. That is… rather surprising to see you here. You must have done some pretty cool things to be voted here.”

“Voted?”

“Yes, people who are already in the Afterlife, both in Hell and Heaven, get to vote who they want in. It works surprisingly well for the most part – people in Hell find good people boring, good people don’t want the bad ones up here. For some tricky cases, we have to rule, but for the most part it’s an easy process. And you my friend seem to have been largely voted in. There you go, says on your file you sacrificed yourself to save the world. Trust me, no one down there wants someone like that. It kills the mood. See, Hell is not really Hell. It’d be more like Chaos or something. It’s not actually bad it’s just… not for someone like you.”

But John wasn’t listening anymore. Something had caught his attention. “Wait – I saved the world? So, it worked?” He felt suddenly more upbeat. “The Machine uploaded to the satellite? She killed Samaritan?”

The old man shot him a strange look. “What sort of gibberish is that?”

“Did we win?” John insisted.

The Gamekeeper made a contrite face. “Whether your sacrifice was successful or not does not matter. But the fact that you were willing to sacrifice yourself for a greater cause, now that got you some big fat score.”

“How about Harold? Did he make it?”

“Harold is a friend of yours?”

“Yes!” John said anxiously. “He was in the next building and he was injured.”

The Gamekeeper raised a finger. “Hang on, I can help you with that.”

He handed John a tablet. John swiped the surface and an image of Harold appeared on the screen. The image was so vivid that it felt to John that if he could reach through the screen, he’d be able to touch his friend. Harold was standing on a sidewalk, scarily pale, a hand holding his side, and John noticed blood dripping between his fingers. Harold suddenly fell to the ground and John’s heart skipped a beat.

“Harold!”

John jumped to his feet. Staring down at the Gamekeeper, he brandished the tablet. “He needs my help. Send me back.” He ordered.

But the Gamekeeper shook his head. “I’m afraid I cannot do that.”

“Please! I need to go back. He’s in danger.”

“Every death is definitive.”

Livid, John stood there, looking through the tablet at Harold, who was now being hauled onto a gurney and transported to an ambulance, unconscious.

“At least, can you maybe tell me? Is he… coming?” John pleaded.

His distress must have been quite apparent because the Gamekeeper softened and gave him a sympathetic look.

“I can’t predict the future, though I can tell you if we have anyone who is, well, about to join us within the hour. Name?”

John suddenly realized how little he knew about who his friend truly was. He didn’t even know Harold’s true name. “I… I don’t know. I think Harold is his real first name. He’s from the Midwest.”

“Midwest, in the United States of America?”

“That’s right.”

The gamekeeper went back to his screen. “Hmm, we have a Harald from Norway coming in. No Harold from the Midwest, though. And if I may,” he added, pointing at the tablet. “It seems the paramedics are taking care of him now. He’s in good hands. Medicine has made so much progress in your times. I’m sure he’ll pull through.”

John nodded and shot the Gamekeeper a short smile, a little relieved. “Can I check on other people too?”

“Of course, just think about them while looking at the screen.”

John focused back on the tablet, thinking about Fusco. The image changed, and both Lionel and Shaw appeared. Despite their size difference, Shaw was supporting Lionel, who looked pale and strained, clearly in pain. He was holding a protective hand to his abdomen, but he didn’t seem in as bad a condition as Harold. They were walking down a street when Shaw pointed her gun at a vehicle, forcing the driver to get out. She helped Lionel into the passenger seat before getting behind the wheel. There was no doubt Shaw could take care of Lionel. It looked like they’d both make it. At least for now.

Somewhat reassured, John handed back the tablet to the Gamekeeper. “Thank you,” he said.

The Gamekeeper was about to say something else, but before he could add anything, the large door behind him opened and Jessica appeared.

Her face illuminated by a radiant smile, she ran directly to John. She was wearing a red summer dress that was floating around her.

“John, what is taking you so long?” she said, in a melodious voice that immediately tugged at John’s heart like only Jessica could.

Before he had time to process what was happening, she had thrown herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and covering him with kisses.

“Jessica?” Was all he could articulate.

Seeing her again submerged John with too many emotions. How he had missed that voice… How he had missed her… His heart was pounding so hard against his ribcage that it felt like it was going to explode. Giving in, he slid his arms around her waist and pulled her close, taking her off the ground. He kissed her back, passionately, trying to make up for those years apart. He buried his face in her hair, taking in her scent, her warmth, her feel. Jessica. She was here, in his arms.

After a while, he delicately pulled apart, just slightly, and taking her head in his hands, he put his forehead against hers.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry I...”

She interrupted him by putting a finger on his lips. She lightly shook her head and smiled tenderly. “I know, baby, I know. It’s okay. We’re together now.”

She brushed his cheek with the tip of her fingers, stroked his hair tenderly. Her gaze wouldn’t let go of his, and he couldn’t see anything else but her. The whole world – or wherever he was – had disappeared. Jessica was his whole world.

And yet, he couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t right. If she knew what he had become, what he had done, she would probably not want him. He didn’t want to lose her, but he couldn’t let her believe that he was still the innocent and idealistic young soldier she had once known. He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. With a heavy heart, he took her hand and locked his gaze to hers.

“I’m not who you think I am, Jess. If you knew all the things I’ve done… I’m a monster. And above everything, I’ve failed you. I wasn’t there for you. I don’t deserve you.”

“Oh, John, stop beating yourself up about it. I’ve been watching you. I know you did the best you could. I know…” Her voice trailed off. “How much you love me.”

John’s heart tightened, realizing she had been watching him all along, not only when he was racing from China back to her, but also later, while he was letting himself go, stupid, drunk and broken.

She cupped his chin in her hand and made him look at her. “I’ve seen all the great work you’ve accomplished with your friend Harold,” she said with a comforting smile. “That is what matters. And I’m so proud of you, John.”

He shook his head, looking away. “You wouldn’t, if you knew all the things I’ve done before. I killed people. A lot of them. That wasn’t right.”

“Baby, look at me. You made it to Heaven. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t deserve it. Whatever doubts you might have, you’ve earned your place here.”

John nodded, focusing on the soothing sound of her voice, on the light touch of her fingers against his skin. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all a big misunderstanding and that he shouldn’t be here. And yet, at the same time, he didn’t want to be anywhere else, not when he could be with her. He was scared to death that, at any moment, someone would come and take her away from him, and the fear of losing her again was almost too much for him to bear.

She slid her hand in his. “Come on, I want to show you something.”

He held her hand tight, and she led him to the door. He didn’t know what to expect, he didn’t know if any of this was real. If this was Heaven, a twisted version of Hell or a simulation. All he knew was that Jessica was here, and he’d fight with all he had to just stay with her. He’d never let go of her again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Jessica pushed the door open, revealing a large room with a wood floor and French windows, bathing the room in a lovely sunny light. Colorful flower garlands were decorating the tall white walls. A handmade banner was hanging from the ceiling, with bright ink and blue letters writing the words “Welcome to Heaven”. In the center of the room, a sizable group of people had gathered. They cheered and clapped as soon as John walked in.

This time, it was a teenage girl with long dark hair who threw herself at him, tugging John cheerfully into a heartfelt hug.

“Johnny!” She exclaimed happily. “My big bro!”

A large smile instantly illuminated John’s face. Sophie hadn’t aged a day since the last time he saw her, a few hours before the accident that took her and his mother. As a result, she now looked decades younger than him and she was as adorable as he remembered her. He took her tenderly in his arms. He hadn’t realized how much he had been missing his little sister.

“It’s so good to see you, Sophie,” he said tenderly.

She grinned and pointed at the ceiling. “Do you like my banner?”

John chuckled. So Sophie made that welcome sign. That explained it. He looked up at the banner again. With its bright colors, round letters and little hearts everywhere, it was just like the little doodles decorating her notebooks.

“It’s horribly cheesy and girly,” he teased. “It’s perfect.”

Sophie laughed and stepped back to let Margaret welcome her son.  Opening her arms, John’s mother walked to him and gave him a long and tight embrace. She kissed him on the cheek.

“My boy, I’ve missed you so much,” she said, her voice hoarse from the emotion, as she buried her face in his shoulder.

When she finally let go of him, tears of joy were covering her face. She quickly wiped them and put both her hands on John’s shoulders, giving him a long look-over.

“Look at you,” she said with audible pride. “What a handsome man my son has become.”

His sister raised on her tiptoes to reach for his hair and ruffled it. “Rocking the silver fox look, bro!”

“Stop it, Soph’!” John groaned, teasingly slapping her hand away, and trying not to blush as he passed a hand through his hair to straighten it up.

John’s gaze caught the man who was standing slightly further back, and who was looking at him intently. His father. They looked at each other, for a moment unsure of what to do, or say. Not that John would have been able to articulate any sound given the size of the lump in his throat. For so many years, he had been looking up at his departed father like a hero, always looking for an imaginary approval, but constantly fearing to disappoint him. John had never really cared about any god’s judgment of his action, his father’s was all that had ever mattered to him. But never had he imagined actually facing him, his hero and guide. Anxious, John waited for his ultimate judgment.

A short smile brushed his father’s lips and he opened his arms. “Come here, son,” he said as he enveloped John with his long and strong limbs.

John relaxed and released the breath he had been unconsciously holding. With more emotions than he’d dare to admit, he hugged his father back. They didn’t say anything, the long embrace was conveying everything they had no words for. They finally let go of each other, almost reluctantly.

John gazed around, searching the crowd for the one person missing from this family reunion.

“Where’s Liz?”

He finally caught sight of his step-mother, Elizabeth, standing right behind his biological mother. Elizabeth had taken care of him after the death of his mother and sister, and until he joined the army. To John, she was just as important to him as his actual family.

“I didn’t mean to intrude on your family reunion,” she said with a shy smile.

John stepped forward and took her in his arms. “Come on, Liz, you’re family too. I know I haven’t been the easiest adoptive son, but you took good care of me.”

He then took a step back and looked at them all, his family. Finally, after all this time, they were all reunited. Both his mother and step-mother had tears in their eyes. Sophie was smiling from ear to ear, with an expression of pure happiness that reminded John of their summer shenanigans back in the day.

Connor patted his son on the shoulder. “I’m so proud of you, Johnny. We all are.” he added, gesturing at all the people who were still surrounding them.

John finally got a chance to look at the crowd. There had to be at least a couple hundreds of people. A few faces seemed vaguely familiar, though he couldn’t place them, but the vast majority of them were perfect strangers.

“Who are all those people?”

Sophie slid her arm under his and led him toward them. “Quite a turnout, huh, bro? You’re like a mini celebrity around here.”

A young woman approached, both her hands plastered on her heart.  “Thank you, for saving my boys,” she said in a shaky voice.

And it suddenly hit John. She was Judge Gates’ late wife, and mother of Sam junior. One of the first cases he had worked with Harold. He had never met her, but he remembered her picture on the library’s glass board.

Next to her, a young black man shook his hand. “Thank you, for taking care of my brother Darren,” he said warmly. “He plays a mean trumpet now, thanks to you.”

It was Darren McGrady’s older brother, Travis, who had been shot by the comic book store drug dealer.

John reached inside his jacket, for a creased piece of paper he had been keeping in his breast pocket. He unfolded it, revealing the drawing of himself and Darren that the young artist had made for him. It was somewhat rumpled and there was a large blood stain across it. John had been quite upset when that happened, but he was too attached to the drawing to throw it away.

“Your brother made this for me. The poor drawing had it rough, but I kept it. It’s been a reminder that Darren got it right. He said I’d find a home and I did.”

One by one, people made their way to John, shaking his hand, showing their gratitude. Each of them thanked him for having saved a child, a sister, a parent, a friend.

John felt the tears rising in his eyes. If meeting with his family again after all those years hadn’t been overwhelming enough, now this was almost too much to handle. Instinctively, he reached for Jessica’s hand, his anchor in this surrealist dream. She entangled her fingers in his, lightly squeezing his hand as she leaned against his shoulder.

John kept scanning the crowd, amazed by the number of people who had come to welcome him, to celebrate him. He, who couldn’t help but see himself as a monster, who couldn’t forget any of his terrible sins, was suddenly reminded of all the good he had done. It did matter, he had made a difference. And he had been judged worthy enough to be accepted in Heaven. He had redeemed himself after all. For the first time in a very long time, John felt actually proud of himself. Relaxing, he brushed away the tears and let that feeling wash over him. He had succeeded. Everything was fine, everything was forgiven, and he would be spending Eternity with Jessica.

Just as he was letting happiness invade him, John recognized Joss and his heart missed a beat. She smiled and waved amicably in his direction, making her way to him through the crowd. John briefly glanced at Jessica, feeling a bit conflicted suddenly about seeing them both together.

But Jessica winked. “I know, Loverboy, I was watching.” She leaned closer and pointed to Joss’ hand where a ring was shining around her finger. “Also, she’s married…”

Surprised, John looked up and met Joss’ cheerful gaze. He smiled, relieved not to be caught in a complicated situation, and genuinely happy for her.

“Congratulations,” he said, hugging her tenderly. “So, people get married in Heaven? It’s a thing?”

Joss laughed. “Oh John, you have so much to learn. This is Heaven, anything you want is possible, and everything works out perfectly.”

“So, who is the lucky guy?”

Joss turned away for a second, to reach for someone who was hiding in the crowd, revealing Cal Beecher.

John’s smile widened. “Of course,” he said, shaking the hand Cal was holding out. “Congratulations to you both."

Then he addressed Jessica and Joss. “So you two know each other, already?”

“Of course, John,” Carter said. “We’ve been watching over you together.”

“It was you in the car, wasn’t it?” John asked, remembering his hypothermic conversation with Joss’ ghost.

She smiled tenderly. “You seemed like you needed a little motivational help.”

John looked down and nodded shortly. “I did,” he admitted. “Thank you. And I’m sorry we never had that talk in person.”

Joss reached out and gently patted his cheek. “It’s okay, John. We had it, somehow.”

“Hey, Big Lug, aren’t you forgetting someone?”

John turned around to face Root who was standing behind him, a smirk at the corner of her lips. Now that was a surprise.

“How did you make it to Heaven? Did you hack your way in?”

Root shrugged, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Maybe?”

Turning serious, it was John’s turn to hold his hand out to Root. Surprised, she shot him an inquiring look as she shook it.

“Thank you, for saving Harold,” John said.

“Oh… Well, and thank you, for saving Harold and the Machine,” she said after a while.

“You know she speaks with your voice, now?”

Root tilted her head, looking at him with a playful smile. “And how did that make you feel, Big Boy?”

“Beats the robotic voice. And Shaw likes it. Makes her feel you’re still with her, you know.”

A shadow clouded Root’s gaze at the mention of Shaw. John shot her a sympathetic smile. He knew oh too well the guilt one feels when leaving someone behind. But sometimes, you do what you have to do. Even when it means dying so that they could live.

“Think they’ll be alright?” he asked in a low voice.

“I’m sure they will,” Root said softly.

Jessica gently put a hand on John’s arm. “Baby, I want you to meet someone.”

As she took John’s hand and led him through the crowd, she looked around, searching for someone. They made their way to the end of the room, where a man was sitting at a table, oblivious of everything, and intently staring at a tablet of his own.

“Nathan?” Jessica called. “John’s here.”


	3. Chapter 3

The man finally looked up from his screen and John recognized Nathan Ingram, Harold’s friend from M.I.T. The other man behind the Machine.

He jumped to his feet. He was as tall as John, showing a broad, solid stature and he gave John a warm and earnest smile as he strongly shook his hand.

“Thank you so much,” he said, “for helping Harold, and taking such good care of him. And thank you, really, for saving all the irrelevants. That meant a lot to me.”

John raised an eyebrow. “You knew about the irrelevant list?”

Nathan dug his hands in his pockets and shot a satisfying smirk. “I’m the one who set up the irrelevant program.”

John shot him an incredulous look. “You did?”

He couldn’t believe that all this time, Harold had let him believe that the irrelevant program was his idea. Though now that he was thinking about it, John realized that they had never really talked about it after their initial conversation. Harold had always been reluctant to talk about Nathan, and John had respected his privacy. But still, this was quite a big thing to hide from him.

Nathan nodded. “Harold was against it.”

“Harold was against the irrelevant program?” John echoed, dumbfounded.

Nathan made a contrite face and sighed. He sat back down.

“He said it was too dangerous. He wasn’t wrong, even though that’s not what actually killed me. They would have gotten rid of me no matter what. Because I knew.”

“What changed his mind?”

Nathan looked down and seemed a bit embarrassed as he passed a hand through his hair. “He learned the hard way that everyone is relevant to someone," he said evasively.

John sat down next to him and put a hand on Nathan’s arm. “I’m sorry.”

Nathan shook his head. “Oh, don’t be. You’ve done so much. I dreamt myself as a vigilante, but you know, I don’t have your skills, I would never have been able to accomplish what you did. It meant a lot to me that you’d pick up the torch, even if you didn’t realize it. I guess I lived my dream through you. But if anything, I’m the one who is sorry that you died fighting my cause.”

John looked up at Nathan. Memories of his days before meeting Harold briefly clouded his gaze but he chased them away, focusing instead on the satisfactory feeling of a mission accomplished he had had every time they had saved a number, and how it had gradually chased his demons away, giving him a new will to live. Something to fight for.

“Your cause actually saved me,” he confessed.

John couldn’t help but look at Nathan Ingram with a renewed admiration. All those years fighting Ingram’s cause and he didn’t even know it. He mentally added Nathan as an honorary member of their little secret team.

“It’s an honor finally meeting you, Nathan Ingram," he said warmly.

Their eyes met and they exchanged a knowing smile. What it would have been to work side by side to save the numbers...

John pointed at the tablet. “Were you checking on Harold?”

Nathan nodded and turned it so that John could look at it too. Root leaned in to watch over their shoulder. A hospital room materialized on the screen. Harold was in a hospital bed, either unconscious or sleeping, it was hard to tell. He was hooked up to a heart monitor which was monotonously beeping with each of Harold’s heartbeats. They all watched over him, sharing the same concern for the friend they had left behind.

John mentally switched to Lionel and Shaw.  In a different room, in a different hospital, Lionel was sitting in a bed, an IV hooked up to his left arm, but otherwise alert. Shaw was perched on a chair by his side, picking at the fries that Lionel wasn’t eating.

John’s heart tightened. He wished he could go back, be there by his friends’ sides. If only he had found a way to get off of that damn rooftop on time.

Joss took a seat opposite to them and looked at John. “It’s a complicated feeling at first. You miss your friends. You wish you could be with them. But the only way would be for them to die and come here, which you don’t want.”

John nodded. He was starting to realize that the afterlife wasn’t going to be so simple.

“You did come back and visit me,” he pointed out. “So, it’s possible to go back?”

“It’s possible, but you need to get some training.”

“What kind of training?”

“It’s a mental exercise.”

John frowned. “Like a Jedi?” This sounded a bit fantasist. But then, everything here was.

“Sort of,” Nathan nodded. “You have to project yourself on Earth, which is much harder than making stuff appear out of thin air here.”

He pressed his palms together and when he opened them, a dozen butterflies took off and quickly disappeared in the distance.

“We don’t have to be fully-fleshed out ghosts, though,” Joss interjected. “It depends on what they’re willing to accept. I sometimes visit Taylor, but I’m just a voice, a conscience, that supports him. But you have to understand, John, it’s not recommended to visit people on Earth too often. For their own good. It’s not easy for them to grieve and move on if we keep bugging them. You have to weigh carefully whether or not it’d help them.”

John nodded, smiling to hide his heavy heart. He understood.

Joss reached out and gently put her hand on top of his. “I know it’s gonna be hard for you, John, but Heaven is where you finally get to be selfish and think about yourself. You’ve done all you could do on Earth. And you’ve probably done ten times what most people do during their lifetime. You’ve earned the right to be selfish. You’ve earned the right to be happy.”

John pointed at Nathan’s tablet. “Could I at least get one of my own, to keep an eye on them?”

“Naturally,” Nathan said, making a tablet appear. “There. Aren’t those pretty cool?”

“They sure are. It’s like we’re right there with them."

“I’m the one who introduced the tablets up here,” Nathan said, his face lit with obvious satisfaction. “Up until now, they were still using smoke screens or sacred water basins, can you believe that?”

John raised an amused eyebrow. “No, I certainly can’t.”

Appearing behind him, Sophie threw her arms around his neck. “Where are you hiding, Johnny? I want you to tell me all about your adventures as the man in the suit.”

John laughed and took her on his lap. “Were you so busy chasing boys in paradise, that you didn’t have time to check on your adorable big brother?” he teased.

“Oh no, I did check on you.” She ruffled his hair again making John roll his eyes. “But it’s not the same,” she objected, “I want to hear it from you. Tell us about that time you had to take care of a baby.”

The party had cleared, and it was now just John’s family, with the addition of Jessica, Root, Joss and Nathan. They all sat at the table, surrounding John. Happily indulging them, he told some of what he considered his best moments as the man in the suit. Of course, Joss and Root knew some of them first-hand, and, to Sophie’s greatest delight, didn’t hesitate to divulge some less flattering details – like when Root had fooled him and Harold into thinking she was an innocent shrink.

“But I want to hear your stories instead,” he said after a while. “Is there a school here? Do you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend maybe?”

Sophie blushed. “Yes, there’s a school. But it’s not like school-school. It’s more… Heaven camp if you want. It’s awesome. And we only learn whatever we want, and there’s no exams.”

“So what did you learn?”

“Science mostly. I love chemistry. And I’m also learning a bit of coding with Nathan.”

John rolled his eyes playfully. “Great, another coder…”

He turned to Joss and Cal. “Promise me that when you two have a kid, you won’t let him or her become a coder.”

A shadow clouded Joss' gaze. She shook her head. “We can’t get pregnant here, John. It's easy to forget but we're not living, anymore. We can’t create life. And while we can make a lot of things appear out of thin air, we can't make up anything human."

Cal leaned closer to her and smiled fondly at her. “But we could adopt a child. Or two.”

She laughed. “Let’s start with one.”

Seeing John’s confused look, Sophie explained. “Sometimes, when kids die, they have no one here, so some kind people like Joss and Cal adopt them, to take care of them and give them love.”

John looked at his sister, who had died at the age of 15. At least their dad had been there to welcome her and their mother. They’d been together all this time. As if to confirm him in his comforting thoughts, Sophie looked at him and smiled. “No one is ever alone here.”

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

By the time they left the party, John had completely lost track of time. As he and Jessica left the building hand in hand, he expected it to be night time, but the light was still surprisingly bright.

They were now in what seemed like an ordinary street in downtown New York City, which gave John a mixed feeling of welcome familiarity and disappointing Earth-like normality.

“The sun never sets in Heaven?” he asked, as he slid an arm around Jessica’s waist.

She laughed. “The sun sets when you want it to set.”

She gestured toward the sky and the light changed to a golden glow typical of the hour before sunset. John raised an amused eyebrow. How the Hell this could work for everyone living up here?

Jessica leaned against him. “How does it look to you?” she asked him with excitement.

John frowned. “It’s New York, isn’t it?”

Jessica shook her head. “It looks like home to me.”

“Home, as in Puyallup?”

“That’s right, Puyallup in springtime. It’s lovely.”

John was very confused. It definitely wasn’t Puyallup. He could swear he was right near Wall Street.

“How can we be in the same place and not see the same thing?”

“It’s Heaven, John, don’t question the logic of it. I’m guessing it looks like New York to you because it’s a city that means a lot to you. This is what you subconsciously want to see.”

John nodded pensively. New York certainly meant a lot to him. It was where he met Finch, or rather, where Finch found him, saved him. New York was where he rebuilt himself. Where, after drifting for so long, he finally settled and found a home. Yes, on Earth, New York was and would always be his home.

But that was not what he wanted Heaven to look like. He closed his eyes and after a couple of seconds, he reopened them to a totally different view. He smiled with satisfaction.

“What did you do?” Jessica asked.

“I made it look like Puyallup. I want to see everything you see."

“Aww, Johnny,” Jessica laughed. She reached up and put a kiss on his cheek.

“Also,” she added, “we can customize it as we want. There, we can have your favorite donut bakery.”

And now a bakery was standing on the right side of the road, next to the old bookstore.

“Not that we actually have to go in,” Jessica said. “If you want a donut, you can just make a donut appear.”

Chocolate covered donuts appeared in their hands. John took a bite, it was heavenly delicious. They walked arm in arm down Puyallup’s main street, admiring the sunset turning the sky all shades of pinks and purples.

“Your turn, try to make something appear,” Jessica said, once they were done eating their donuts.

John grinned and made a bouquet of white roses appear in his hand.

“Wait, let me add some paper wrapping, and a little bow.”

Satisfied with his creation, he handed them to Jessica, who brought them to her face and took a deep smell.

“You’ve become such a helpless romantic, John,” she said teasingly.

“I’ve missed you so much, sweetheart…” he whispered. “I’ve been such an idiot. I should never have let you go.  I’ll make it up to you for all the time we didn’t get together, I promise.”

She laughed, that crystal-clear laugh he loved so much. “We have all eternity for that, baby.”

“So, where do we live?”

“Where do you want to live?” she replied.

“Could we have a view on Mount Rainier?”

“Of course, we could also have a view on a Caribbean beach, you know. Anything is possible here.”

John laughed. “So we could have the front of the house facing Mount Rainier and the back opening on a tropical beach?”

“Deal,” Jessica said. “It’s that way.”

They turned into a side street which revealed a large two-story wooden house, with a porch. Jessica climbed the front steps and pushed the door open, John right behind her.

She turned to him, eyes sparkling with mischief as she grabbed the lapel of his jacket. “Should we start with the bedroom?”

John grinned and followed her up the stairs.

They made love tenderly and passionately, desperate to make up for such a long time apart, taking in every second of their time together. Rediscovering every inch of each other’s body, they immediately fell back into their familiar intimacy, as if they had never been separated. Jessica’s skin was just as soft as John remembered, her scent the same delicate mix of wild berries and morning’s first light. Being with her brought him the same sense of bliss and completeness. Something he hadn’t been able to feel in the too many years that kept them apart.

Later, happy and exhausted, they stayed tucked under the cover, Jessica curled up in John’s arms. They’d made night fall and the moonlight was casting a soft blue light through the window. Everything was peaceful. Jessica fell asleep quickly, but John tried to delay the moment he’d surrender to Morpheus, enjoying that sensation he’d miss so much, feeling the contact of Jessica’s body, spooned against him, in his arms. But all the emotions of his first day in the Afterlife had exhausted him, and it wasn’t long until he, too, fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

When John woke up, he felt amazingly good. Rested, at peace. Jessica was snuggled against him and the simple sight of her being there was bringing him a delicious feeling of happiness and completeness. Careful not to wake her up, he gently slid his arm from under her head, and got out of bed. He headed downstairs and found the kitchen. Through the window the morning sunlight was bathing Mount Rainier in a soft golden light.

Whistling to himself, he started making pancakes. He was getting used to the principle that he just needed to think of something for it to be there. Milk, flour, butter, one egg, a bit of sugar, a hint of orange blossom. He assumed he could just think of the pancakes all ready to eat, but he liked the process of preparing them. He poured his preparation on a flat pan, then put out a plate, on which he added some strawberries and raspberries.

He had a couple of pancakes ready when Jessica walked in, radiant despite her sleepy head.

“Good morning, sunshine,” John greeted her.

He poured some melted chocolate over the pancakes and pushed the plate toward her. “I made you pancakes.”

She smiled and, picking the fork John was offering, she sat at the kitchen island.

“Oh my god, John, they’re delicious,” she said, her mouth half-full.

John grinned. He made two more pancakes for himself and sat next to her.

Studying her, he waited for her to finish her last bite. Full and content, she pushed away her plate. Getting off his chair, John then took her hand and knelt down. He cleared his voice and made a ring appear. Nothing clingy or big. He kept the ring simple, with a simple line of small diamonds, just like he knew Jessica would like it.

She looked at him, her initial reaction of surprise quickly replaced by joy, as a large grin appeared on her face.

John took a deep breath. “Jessica, sweetheart, will you marry me?”

She laughed, and taking both his hands in hers, she made him stand up. “Of course, John, of course I will marry you,” she said, pulling him close to kiss him.

“Joss was right,” she said, still laughing. “She bet that you’d propose first thing in the morning.”

John tilted his head. “Is that so?”

“I myself thought you’d wait a bit longer. Taking me to a proper place. But she argued you’d be in too much of a hurry.”

John blushed. “You wanted me to take you somewhere special?”

She shook her head. “Oh no, Baby. What’s more special than your handmade pancakes in our very own special corner of Heaven?”

John smiled and bent over to blow lightly on her neck, making her giggle under the tickles.

“I’m also quite fond of the idea of adopting a kid,” he said softly. “I’ve always wanted to.”

She cupped his cheek in her hand and looked at him tenderly. “You’ve always been good with children.”

“So, you’d agree to adopt?” he asked, hopeful.

“Of course, I’d love to. But not today. Today you’re all mine,” she added with a wink.

She jumped from her seat and took his hand.

“And where are we going?”

She grinned. “To buy a boat. You’ll be my first mate.”


	5. Chapter 5

 

Naturally, they didn’t really buy a boat. In a few clicks of their fingers and waves of hands, John and Jessica rearranged their beach front to accommodate a pier and moored their boat to it. They made it a large double masted ship with beautiful white sails, the American flag proudly flying on top of the main mast, and a ridiculous little mermaid as the figurehead. Exactly like John had pictured it in his dreams.

Satisfied, they sat down in the sand, admiring their creation. John had traded his suit for a pair of swimming shorts and Jessica was wearing a lovely flower-printed bikini. He lay back, the crispy sand rubbing his back. Jessica lay down next to him, looking at him, studying his body. With the tip of her index, she drew the outlines of his scars.

“So many…” she whispered despite herself.

“Do they bother you? I can probably make them disappear with a click of my fingers.”

Jessica shook her head. “We can’t change our appearance. But it’s not the scars,” she shrugged. “It’s knowing all you’ve been through. All the violence…”

He passed his hand through her hair and smiled tenderly. “To me, they’re testimonies of everything I’ve survived. Each of them is a battle I’ve fought and won.”

Looking down at his torso, his gaze fell on the most recent wound, the one he did not survive. Feeling melancholic all of a sudden, he pulled out his tablet to check on Harold. His friend had woken up and was sitting still in his hospital bed, looking into the distance when suddenly he burst into tears. John’s heart shattered. It was so unsettling. He had never seen Harold cry. Harold always seemed so contained, in control. And yet, here he was, shaken up by irrepressible sobs, with heavy tears falling from his eyes.

John looked up at Jessica, uncertain and conflicted. After all this time apart, he owed it to her to stay with her. He had promised her, and himself, he’d be all hers. He had just proposed to her, for God’s sake. But, down on Earth, Harold was still crying. Heartbroken. Alone. It didn’t feel right for John to enjoy his blissful afterlife when his friend was in such distress because of his disappearance.

With the tip of his fingers, he put a strand of her hair behind her ear. “After our trip,” he said gently, “I’d like to start that Jedi training thing…”

Jessica frowned. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

John nodded. “I think if I can let him know that I’m okay, happy even,” he said, kissing the back of Jessica’s hand. “It’ll help him. I owe him this. He was there for me. I should be here for him. Just that once, I promise.”

Jessica rolled her eyes and smiled, in a way John wasn’t sure how to interpret. He raised his hands in a sign of surrender.

“Look, Sweetheart, if you’d rather I didn't, I won’t do it. Last thing I want is to do anything that’d upset you. I don’t want to lose you ever again.”

Jessica shook her head and took his hand into hers, caressing his palm with the tip of her fingers.

“I’ve always loved you,” she said softly. “Even when we weren’t together, I never stopped loving you. I meant it, that day at the airport. I would have waited for you. But then…”

Her voice trailed off.

“Jess,” John started, wanting to comfort her.

But she put her finger on his lips.

“When you started working with Harold, I saw a side of you that I had never seen. Of course I knew you were a good man. And I've always found your tendency to punch anyone who was disrespectful to me.... endearing – despite the fact I was perfectly capable of defending myself. But the way you helped all those people, the way you seemed to care so much for everyone else's happiness… I realized how beautiful you were – and not just because of those nice suits you’d always wear.”

She cupped his chin in her hand, making him look her in the eyes.

“There's something selfless and very noble about you. And I love you for this.” She paused. “Even when that means you can't stop caring about other people when you're with me. It’s annoying... But it’s still endearing.”

“So you’re not upset about it?” John breathed.

She shook her head. “No, I’m not. I promise I'm not. And I know how much Harold means to you. How much he's helped you, too. And you're right. It’d probably help him.”

Jessica smiled and standing on her feet, she hauled him up. He slid his arms around her waist.

“So let's go,” she said happily.

John frowned. “You mean... together? You want to get training with me?”

Jessica tilted her head and sent him a mischievous look. “I’m not opposed to you getting the Jedi training, as you say. Nor visiting Harold on Earth. But I’m not letting you out of my sight. We’re going to learn how to do it together, and we’re going to visit Harold together.”

John grinned, both surprised and pleased by Jessica’s reaction. He kissed her happily on the cheek. “Let’s go,” he echoed.

He took her hand and led her away from the beach. But Jessica held him back. With a mocking grin, she gave him a look over. “Huh, but Baby, we might want to change clothes first.”

John chuckled, looking down at his Hawaiian swim shorts. “Not Jedi enough?” He put back his suit and white shirt. Jessica switched her bikini for a light blue tank top and white linen pants.

“So, how long is the training?” he asked her, as they were walking down Puyallup’s main street.

Jessica shrugged. “I’m not sure. I think it varies from one person to another. I’ve heard it depends on your motivation.”

John stopped and turned to her. “Wait – you haven’t taken the training at all?”

Melancholy clouded Jessica’s gaze and John felt her hand tighten its grip on his.

“Why not?” he asked in a low voice. “Don’t you have anyone you want to visit? Family members? Your mom? I remember you two seemed close.”

Jessica raised toward him a painful gaze that took John off-guard. His heart sank to see his beloved Jessica suddenly so dispirited. In silence, she led him to a public bench nearby and they sat side by side. She remained lost in her memories and John put a protective arm around her shoulders, as he patiently waited for her to gather the strength to open up.

“You’re right, we used to be close,” she said finally, sorrow audible in her voice. “But we kind of drifted apart with time.” She looked down, shaking her head. “The thing is… She was so fond of Peter. He could do no wrong in her eyes. He seemed the perfect son-in-law. And I mean, he was the perfect son-in-law. He was always charming and affectionate with her. Just like he was when we first met. I guess I was trying to protect her by not telling her about our issues. She was so happy that I found such a great husband.”

She sighed heavily. John felt anger and guilt rising in his chest again, like every time he was confronted with what had happened to the love of his life. Instinctively, he drew her closer to him.

“But then I died,” Jessica went on. “And they comforted each other. He killed me, and he got to comfort my mom?! And she kept praising him for how strong he was through those tough times blah blah… Ugh.”

“Why didn’t you go and tell her the truth about what happened?”

Jessica shrugged. “I just got too mad. I had been hoping she’d realize something was off. I don’t know, anything. But no, my murderer was comforting her, and the crazy thing, he was doing a good job. I don’t know if he was sincere or manipulative, but he was helping her through it. I just gave up on all the living. I didn’t want to see anyone. Besides you, of course. So I just decided to simply wait for you here.”

John clenched his teeth, trying to swallow back the tears that were dangerously rising. “I’m really sorry you had to go through all this," he whispered. “And all alone.”

Despite the absurdity of it, John couldn’t help the urge to fix things for Jessica. He wished he could go five years back and take her away, save her.

“The loneliness was the worst,” Jessica admitted, her voice barely a murmur. “I didn’t even notice it at first. He isolated me from my friends. We’d only go out with his, and over the years, I lost touch with mine. At first he was just, you know, very controlling. I thought he was just being a bit unreasonably jealous. Nothing serious. And by the time it became truly bad, I didn’t know who to turn to. I was alone.”

A heavy tear fell down her cheek, breaking John’s heart.

“It’s all my fault,” he breathed.

“No, no, Baby, of course, it isn’t your fault.” Jessica brushed the tears away with the palm of her hands, and raised toward him her teary eyes, trying – and failing – to look brave.

John suddenly looked away, unable to sustain her gaze. He bit his lip and took a deep breath.

“It is my fault,” he repeated, fixing his gaze on the horizon. “I let you go. I thought you’d be better off with him. I actually met him in a bar in New York, once. It was the night of the ‘08 election. Do you remember that? You were late.”

Jessica nodded pensively. “I think I remember. We were supposed to meet at that bar downtown before going to see some play with friends. That’s right, I was late. At the time I had started dreading those nights out because it was often when he’d get violent afterward… So, you were there?”

“It was wrong of me. I wasn’t supposed to get in touch with you, but I found you were in town and I happened to be too. The need to see you was so strong...” John sighed. “I didn’t really think it through. I just wanted to see you. I chatted with Peter for a bit. He seemed decent enough… I didn’t see… anything. I was actually trained to read people, and I was good at it. And I failed to see anything in him.”

The walls John had carefully managed to build around his pain along the years were breaking down. Now that he was starting to open up, he couldn’t stop the flow of emotions he had kept bottled up for so long.

“And then you called me. You actually called me, of all people, but I wasn’t there for you. My job is to protect people but I wasn’t there for the one person that mattered the most to me.”

Jessica took his hand on hers. “You know, I was never completely alone, because I was thinking about you. I knew that if I called you, you’d come.”

John’s heart sank. “But I didn’t.”

“Oh, Babe, but I know how hard you tried. To this day, I’m still not sure how you ended up injured in the middle of China, but I saw how hard you tried to make it home, how desperate you were getting for not healing fast enough. I actually got worried that you’d die because of your recklessness and disregard for your own health.”

“I still didn’t make it fast enough,” John said, defeated.

“Well, fate played a devious trick on us. But I was feeling pretty low when I called you, and you called me back and you said you’d come. You didn’t even ask why, you just said yes. You have no idea how much it helped at the time.”

“I’m so sorry, Jess.”

“I’m sorry too.”

He pulled Jessica into his arms and buried his face in her hair. Jessica was sobbing against his shoulder and John could feel her body shaking slightly. Himself getting overwhelmed by their conversation, John let tears freely fall from his eyes, as he held Jessica tight in his arms. She gently stroked his back and they remained closely cuddled until their pain finally subsided and they both stopped crying.

John pulled away and gently wiped the tears from Jessica’s cheeks. He straightened up and she rested her head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her. John took a deep breath, feeling suddenly lifted from a heavy weight.

“That felt oddly good,” he said. “Finally being able to tell you all this. I didn’t even know how much I needed this.”

Jessica raised toward him her red and shining eyes, and a smile reappeared on her face. “It did feel good to cry in your arms at last. I’m so glad you’re here, John.”

She sat up and looked at him very seriously.

“Do you wish I had come to visit you? I just thought… Maybe it wouldn’t have been a good idea...”

John looked down and swallowed. He didn’t like to think back to those months he had lost himself in his pain over Jessica’s loss. Would it have made any difference if she had visited him? Probably not. If anything, it’d probably have made things worse. If he had known there was an Afterlife, he might have done something stupid, and at that time, he would probably have gone to Hell and he would have never been reunited with her. Nor any of his loved ones.

“John?”

He startled and looked at her. He shook his head. “You did the right thing.”

“You will never be alone again,” she said softly.

John smiled and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. “Neither will you.”


	6. Chapter 6

Early the following morning, Jessica and John arrived at Joss and Cal’s house. It was a lovely little brownstone house, in a typical Brooklyn style.

“Good morning, lover birds,” Joss greeted them happily. “I wasn’t expecting to see the two of you so soon.”

“We decided to postpone our trip for now,” Jessica said. “We have something more important to do first, and for that, we need your help.”

“We need you to teach us the ghost training,” John explained.

Joss shot them an inquiring look. “Missing Earth already, John?”

“It’s for Harold,” John replied. “He needs my help.”

Joss shook her head, amused. “Always the hero, John, even in the afterlife.” Her expression softened. “Poor Harold, I’m sure he misses you terribly.”

“Could you help us, then? Jessica asked. “You could probably give us a training class.”

Joss nodded and stepped aside to let them in. She waved toward her living room and most of the furniture and decoration disappeared, giving to the room a very zen and minimalist atmosphere.

“So… How does it work?” John asked, as he was standing in the middle of the empty space.

Joss presented them some cushions on the floor. “Here, sit down, make yourselves comfortable.”

John and Jessica sat side by side on the wonderfully soft and bouncy cushions, their legs crossed in front of them, and Joss sat facing them.

“Good,” she said, taking a professional tone that reminded John of when she was training rookies at the precinct. “Now, first, before we start the training per se, I need to run you through the important rules of ghosting.”

“Ghosting?”

Joss shot John an impatient look. “The action of appearing as a ghost to the living?”

John nodded quickly.

“Rule number one,” Joss enumerated, raising a first finger. “For no reason whatsoever are you allowed to create mayhem or scare the living.”

John sighed exaggeratedly. “And there we were precisely thinking of creating chaos down there.”

Joss shot him a stern look. “If I didn’t know you, John, I might have thought you were joking.”

Jessica burst into laughter.

Unfazed, Joss resumed. “Rule number two: You cannot visit any living that doesn’t know you.”

“Wait, but Jessica has never met Finch,” John argued. “The whole point was that we’d visit Finch.”

Joss rolled her eyes. “Fine, we will accept that this one can be circumvented. As long as you trust that it will not break rule number three.” She raised a third finger. “Rule number three: You should only visit them if you know they are ready to receive your visit. Your visit should not upset them further than your death. Finally, rule number four: You have to be careful not to ever be seen by any living but the one you are visiting. Got it?”

“Got it,” Jessica and John answered in chorus.

“Good, now to the training itself. I want you to close your eyes and picture a place that is important to you,” Joss instructed. “Preferably, a place that wouldn’t be too crowded.”

John immediately thought of the secret subway station that Finch had made their base of operation after they had had to abandon the Library.

“Try to picture it as precisely as possible, try to remember every single detail,” Joss went on. “Stay focused on mentally assembling the place.”

John tried to picture the subway car, with the Machine’s drives – made out of Playstations. All the cables in different colors. Black, grey, blue. He remembered the space outside the train. The historical green and yellow tiles, still surprisingly bright. The workstation that Harold had set up, with a computer and a glass board next to it, just like the one from the library. And the little room that Root had arranged for herself. The little bed, the lava lamp, the rug. And then there was the arsenal by the door, where he, Root and Shaw had kept all their weapons, hand guns, rifles, the grenade launcher, and all the assorted ammo.

“Once you’ve set the scenery, try to remember how it felt to be physically there. Was it cold? Humid? How did it smell?”

The subway station was a strange mix of, well, subway station smell, and chemical citrus from Harold’s cleaning product. With a hint of Belgian Malinois musk. It was definitely not cold, though. Just like the whole subway network it was even quite warm during summer. But after they had arranged better ventilation and added an air conditioning system, the place had become quite comfortable.

“Now, make sure to keep your emotions at bay. You have to remain calm and relaxed,” Joss warned them, her voice itself warm and relaxing. “When you’re ready, I want you to picture yourself in that place you’ve chosen. Do not remember yourself there, but rather, try to imagine what it would feel like to be there at the present time.”

John wasn’t sure what it was supposed to feel like. Though he was determined to figure this out. Keeping his eyes closed – and trying his best not to feel too emotional as some memories of the subway came back to him – he tried to imagine himself back there. For a few minutes, nothing happened. But then he felt a tickle and all of a sudden the image of the subway flickered and changed. He was now standing in the middle of a ruined subway station. It was still the subway station – he recognized the IRT sign on the back wall – but the subway car was gone, the wall blocking the tunnel had been taken down. There were bits of debris and shell casingsall over the floor – hundreds of them.

John startled and opened his eyes. Joss was looking at him intently. She gave him a reassuring smile and put a finger on her lips to advise him to stay silent, nodding toward Jessica who was sitting still, her eyes closed.

“Oh!” she said suddenly, opening her eyes briskly.

“I take it that it worked,” Joss said with a smile.

“I’m not sure what happened. I think I saw… now,” John breathed, his heart still pounding hard from the vision he had just had.

“Me, too,” Jessica said, blushing.

“What did you see?”

“I, hum, I picked our hotel room in Mexico. I didn’t think that one through. It’s just the first thing that crossed my mind. It’s… occupied.”

John laughed.

“How about you? What did you pick?”

“The subway station,” John said. “It looks like a war zone now. I guess I didn’t think that one through either. I should have expected it. We knew Samaritan agents were coming.”

“This is very good,” Joss said. “The first time is always a little unsettling, but it worked. Now that you’ve got it, you can continue to practice on your own. Try different places. Familiar places first, then unknown ones. You can use your tablet to get a view of them. Try to control when you project yourself in, and out.”

Listening attentively, John and Jessica both nodded.

“And most importantly,” Joss added, pointing a finger up. “Don’t rush it. Practice as long as you need, and don’t try and interact with the people you want to visit until you’re ready. If you don’t have full control of your apparitions, you’ll just scare them, which you don’t want.”

John and Jessica nodded again.

  



	7. Chapter 7

When Jessica and John arrived at the Queensbridge park, the sun was setting behind the skyline of Manhattan, casting long shadows over the East River. It had taken a week of intense “ghosting” training sessions on board their sailboat before they both felt confident enough to go and meet Harold. John walked first toward the bench, where his friend was sitting alone, facing the horizon, and unfazed by his surroundings. John sat next to him, echoing their old meeting tradition.

“John?” Harold asked in a small voice, almost afraid to look directly at his friend. He finally turned toward him and gave him a long scrutinizing look, vaguely surprised that John didn’t vanish into thin air.

“Are you…” His voice trailed off.

“No, Harold,” John said gently. “I didn’t make it.”

Harold suppressed a sob, making John’s heart tighten.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “You know I had to do it.”

Harold looked up at his visitor, and the intensity of his gaze made John flinch. “No, I don’t,” Harold said angrily. “Why wouldn’t you stay in the vault? Why wouldn’t you let me save your life?”

John lowered his head. “I couldn’t bear the pain of losing you.”

“And I can?”

“I’m sorry, Harold,” John repeated. “I know how hard it must be for you. But if it’s any consolation, just know that wherever I am, I’m happy.”

Harold took off his glasses and swiped a tear with the tip of his finger. “How can it be?” Harold asked sadly. “You’re gone.”

“I finally saved the one person that meant the most to me.”

“But you’re dead...” Harold insisted with growing pain. “So what was the point?”

“Keeping you alive, Harold! You saved my life, it was only fair that I’d save yours.”

Harold sniffed. “I just… It’s just not the same without you. I can’t even face meeting Miss Shaw and Detective Fusco. I miss you,” he whispered.

John smiled. “A good friend of mine once told me that it was a good thing. It means you meant something to people while you were here.” John gently put a hand on Harold’s arm. “I miss you too, Harold. But there’s someone else, in this world, that misses you.”

Harold looked up at him. “Grace?”

John nodded. “You want me to be happy, Harold? Be happy yourself. You deserve it.”

Harold snorted and shook his head, looking away from John. “This, I’m not so sure about,” he said in a low voice.

“Of course you deserve to be happy. You saved so many people. And you did for me more than you’ll ever know. Not only did you save my life, you also saved my afterlife.”

Harold frowned and shot him an inquiring look.

“I’d probably be rotting in Hell if you hadn’t given me this job,” John said. “But thanks to you I got a chance to prove myself and I made it to Heaven.” He smiled tenderly at his friend. “I’m happy where I am, Harold. I’m with my family now. And with Jessica.”

Harold’s expression softened. “You are?”

John turned around and gestured at Jessica to come closer. “I’m finally reunited with the love of my life. And we’re engaged,” he grinned.

Jessica walked to them and friendly waved at Harold as she took a seat next to John. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Harold. Thank you for taking such good care of John for me.”

A smile finally appeared on Harold’s face. “Congratulations,” he said, sounding more upbeat at last.

He turned to take a better look at both of them. John blushed slightly under Harold’s scrutiny. It was an odd feeling to be in the presence of both Jessica and Harold, two very contrasting chapters of his life that had never actually met before. 

“I’m really happy for the two of you,” his friend said.

“We’re about to go on a sailing trip,” John announced. “That was our dream, before everything happened.”

Jessica laughed lightly. “More accurately, it was John’s silly dream. Dropping everything and buying a boat to go sailing around the world.”

Harold raised an amused eyebrow and turned to John. “Really? I cannot fathom you going sailing. I would never have guessed this.”

“I’m a very private person,” John grinned. “Anyway, go to Italy, find Grace, and share with her whatever silly dreams you had,” he insisted.

Harold shook his head and sighed heavily. “I doubt she’ll ever take me back.”

“You gotta at least give it a try, Harold,” Jessica said.

“If anything, you owe her the truth,” John pointed out. “I’m sure she’s had millions of questions after the kidnapping. At least, tell her why she was kidnapped, tell her who you really are. And reassure her about whether or not you’re truly alive.”

“But telling her the truth will only put her in more danger,” Harold countered.

“Hiding it from her didn’t protect her.”

Jessica reached for Harold’s hand. “She’ll appreciate you coming forward. It’ll bring her some closure.”

“It makes sense,” Harold admitted.

“Grace doesn’t need your protection as much as she needs to know that she can trust you.” Jessica went on. “Tell her the truth and let her decide. If you want her to trust you, you have to show her you’re worthy of her trust.”

Harold relaxed slightly and leaned back. He nodded, more to himself than to John. His decision was made, he would go to Italy. John and Jessica exchanged a look. Their job here was done. They stood up.

“Will I see you again?” Harold asked.

“Hopefully not for a long time,” John said. “But know that I’ll always be watching over you. And I’m sure we’ll see you up there when time comes. In the meantime, try to stay out of trouble, Harold.”

John and Jessica started walking away hand in hand, but Harold called his friend back.

“John?”

John turned around.

“Thank you,” Harold said. And a small smile brushed his lips for a moment.

“Anytime, Harold.”

Then they disappeared into the night.

  



	8. Chapter 8

**Epilogue**

  


John hurried to haul down the ladder and he held his hand to help Jessica down the boat. They nimbly landed on the shore and rushed to Nathan’s house, half a mile away, with a great view on the ocean.

They had just spent three weeks at sea, sailing among dolphins and whales, napping on the finest sanded beaches of the Caribbean, and scuba diving around the most beautiful atolls of the Pacific Ocean. They were exploring the luxuriant forest of the Galapagos when they had received a message from Nathan that Harold had finally made his way to Italy.

In front of the house, under the refreshing shade of a thick lime tree, a table was set, with all their friends already there. Nathan, Root, Joss and Cal stood up to greet the newcomers.

“Did we miss anything?” John asked, short-breathed.

Nathan gestured for them to take a seat with them at the table. “You’re right on time.”

They sat down and all gazes converged toward the large screen that was set at the end of the table.

“Harold landed earlier this morning,” Root explained. “He’s about to enter the park where Grace is painting.”

They all watched as Harold caught a glimpse of his beloved fiancée and, gathering enough courage, started to walk toward her, hesitant, anxious, yet hopeful. They held their breath as Grace slowly turned away from her easel, and she too, caught sight of her love, unexpectedly back from the dead. A smile slowly appeared on her face, illuminating her features and Harold smiled back, that tender smile that was only for her. From their corner of Heaven, they awed as their friends fell into each other’s arms, crying and smiling at the same time.

John discreetly wiped away a tear and glanced at his friends sitting next to him. Root and Joss had teary eyes as well. Nathan picked a bottle of wine, poured the nectar in large stemmed glasses and handed one to each of his guests.

He raised his glass for a toast. “To Harold and Grace. May they never be separated again.”

“To Harold and Grace,” everyone cheered in echo.

 

 

The End.  
  
  


**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [After We're Dead [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16634927) by [DesireeArmfeldtPodfic (DesireeArmfeldt)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesireeArmfeldt/pseuds/DesireeArmfeldtPodfic)




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